Naturaleza En Carne

I wish I were a wolf to howl the pain that remains within my heart, this heartache after forgiveness. The problem is that pain of the mind is the worst pain, more so than any ailment or broken bone, because from that you can heal at any given moment, from a broken bone the pain is in that moment, but a broken heart which is shattered is hard to put back together. You hear the words, I am sorry, I love you, I should not have betrayed you, and yet are they just words to apeace the others mind, do they truly believe that such simple words can obliterate the damage that has been inflicted? Last night I found a series of poems written and sent to the woman he says was one of the worst mistakes, and yet, that which is seen can not be unseen, the words when said can not be taken back, and the pain inflicted is harbored deep in the soul of the person you hurt. These tears always find a way to give away my poker face, it is these tears that find a way to surface and cleanse my soul. Yet inside.. like this wolf, I find deep within my self a part that can not let go. So how can a person get to the state of forgiveness, and forget? Never? Someday? There will not be trust, that has been broken, will one day we be able to trust each other enough to make this work? Often times I wonder if he is just with me for our daughter and a semblance of what that love was? Glimmers of it, but he does not realize, that each time I withdraw deeper within myself, no more loving embrace of passion where innocence once dwelt, no more the caresses born from a place of true love, betrayel is a knife that cuts so much more than trust, and loyalty, it is a knife that digs sooo deep that it leaves a person frail. I am older, I know I am no longer the youthful vivacious person I was once. I need to find myself, the dreamer again, and I need to understand where we are going in this journey. So for now, internally I howl.. someday este pinche corazon will make a decision.. what its outcome will be .. only time will tell